if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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