How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
