TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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