The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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