first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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