this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
