I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
