hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
