BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Shame - the story of my life.
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