i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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