After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
