Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
