i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
