All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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