PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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