next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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