He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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