Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
