Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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