What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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