i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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