so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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