So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
