You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
