I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
