she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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