If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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