Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
