My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
