i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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