Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
