My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
