There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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