Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
not ubering you a puppy
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