Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
