I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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