Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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