I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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