I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
