Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
