you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
