Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
