yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
