my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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