she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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