I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
