need another drink. this is the easiest way
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
