if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
