you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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