but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
