I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
