I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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