Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The Olympian is in my bed
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