To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
