these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
