You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
