Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
