My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
