you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
