i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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